In a private dining room somewhere on Capitol Hill.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Speaker, I’ll have to ask you to extinguish your cigarette. New regulations.”

“What? Since when? I’ve been enjoying a smoke in this dining room since the Reagan administrations.”

“They just posted the signs, but I thought they sent a memo to your offices. I apologize, sir.”

“The last place in Washington you can exercise your freedom to exhale. Who came up with this nonsense? Pelosi?”

“ Actually there was a petition that went to management. A bi-partisan effort, looking at the signatures.”

“Ridiculous! I’ll bet Pelosi was behind it. Another one of her job-crushing regulations.”

“Sir?”

“Job-crushing! Do you know how many Congressmen will stop coming to this place, once they realize they can’t smoke here?”

“I think you would make two, sir.”

“Well, I’m sure there will be a lot more from tobacco-growing states. This is a matter of principle. Smoking drives our economy, creates jobs! You’ll be laying off employees in a matter of weeks. Then, I suppose, you’ll be looking for unemployment compensation.”

“Actually we were promised raises in 2015. We’re saving money on air purifiers, fumigation services, and health insurance.”

“Job-crushing, I tell you! The EPA is destroying our economy.! You know, the science on smoking and cancer is still in dispute.”

“Really, sir? I thought the tobacco companies had given up that claim.”

“There are plenty of studies with “no-findings” on smoking. The liberal scientists just don’t recognize ‘em. Too many non-smokers in the research community.”

“Well, sir, you know what they say: “The greatest good for the greatest number.’”

“No, you’ve got that wrong. ‘The greatest freedom for the greatest number.’ Read your Constitution, young man.”

“Oh? I must have missed that section, sir. I’m still in pre-law. I do know you can’t smoke here. Even President Obama chews gum after lunch now.”

“Right! The emperor of job-crushing! While he’s in the White House tobacco-farmers are going on welfare and tobacco emporiums are closing down. An economic catastrophe! No one watches out for the small businessman like smokers do. We know what it means to be persecuted.”

“I’m very sorry for the inconvenience, sir.”

“Inconvenience, my ass!” (Gets up from the table muttering). “It’s all about freedom. Sweet freedom to exhale. Freedom to earn a living in a tobacco state. Freedom to assemble in smoke-filled caucuses. Freedom . . .” [Exits muttering].