You know, you’d think of a married couple, that’s the easiest example. You know, they’re drawn to each other. It’s the same in different jobs. It’s the same in religious vocations. But it’s also the same in the person you desire to be. I think we all have an image of the person we want to become — more loving, more open, more free. That’s a call. It’s helping people understand that and recognizing it, that in a way that — to tell them it’s not selfish. Desire ultimately is not selfish. (James Martin SJ)

Some of my thinking about “call” comes from people who give everything for their “call.” Say Eric Liddel, the British distance runner, who finished his career as a miler to go to China as a missionary. That story tells me that “the call” is something that pulls you away from something you like. He is quoted as saying, “I feel his [God’s] pleasure when I run.”  His abandonment of running feels like a giving up of things precious.

Father Martin says the opposite: that God’s desires for me are what I desire for myself. So, I’ll put it out there: I want to write and be read. It’s a lifelong desire, but I am not growing past the obscure blog I’ve kept for many years. I am not employing what I do for maximum effect. I am not engaged the way successful writers are engaged. Am I kidding myself? What should I be writing about?

Is writing generous or self-indulgent? At some point I have used writing for love poetry, for  satirical critique, for travelogue, for high school reminiscence, for reflection on scripture, for Op-ed articles, for political venting, sports commentary—it’s really a smorgasbord. It has been shared on WordPress, on Facebook, in community anthologies, some letters-to-the-editor, but mostly to a limited audience. My dream would be publish a weekly column and keep dialogue with readers through the subsequent week. That would be satisfying.

But maybe I would like to write a book, as half the retired citizens in the country would. It’s a kind of legacy, but I am not sure what I would write about. I could cull coherent entries from my blog, but would they achieve coherence? I could pick up from my research, but I have not completed the analysis of my transcripts. How much systematic analysis am I obligated to do? I could try to compile my poetry and add new poems, but my poetry is a work in progress. I have not found my niche in free verse.

Am I a cliche: the would-be writer without an audience?