It can be argued that President Trump’s major contribution to political theory began with his 2016 campaign. I have decided to name it “Poopology,” but rather than retrace the strategy to 2016, I would like to begin with the past year.

I first realized that the President was a world-class party-pooper about a month ago, officially Party-Pooper-in-Chief. Your garden variety party pooper may be someone who likes early bedtimes or has an aversion for medium risk. But the world class party pooper clearly understands the consensus for a party and then moves 180 degrees from it,  just to let us know who is really in charge.

First there was the party planned for the vaccine rollout. The President hyped this party for about six months. Nothing will be greater than our vaccine, he would say. The vaccine will be the perfect solution. We will have the best and the quickest developed.  These are words that should alert every American to an on-coming party-poop.

Sure enough, the vaccine came out in December, and where was the President? On the golf course. Did he celebrate or toast the vaccine? Did he hold a press conference? No, there was a comment on Twitter, surrounded by veiled threats of election fraud. That was the earliest Poop d’ Party, because it took six months to emerge

Then there was the Election Party.  Americans were celebrating the selection of a new President on November 4. Even though some states were still in play, it appeared Joe Biden would be the next President of the United States by about the same margin as President Trump, only with 8 million actual American votes ahead.

But wait a minute, the mailed-in ballots weren’t counted right, especially in states that the President needed to win. Were they miscounted in the Blue States– New York, New Jersey, or California? Apparently not. The major poop was in Wisconsin, Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Georgia. These states were still in play several days after the election. According to lawsuit-poop-strategy, only the states that the President could win to change the outcome of the election were in the party that needed to be pooped.

In fact, the President organized his own party, once called the Republican Party, but newly organized to be the Pooplican Party of 126 Congressional Representatives who signed on to a lawsuit challenging the election fraud in the Fantastic Four states staged at the fabulous Supreme Court. Over in the Senate, only Mitch McConnell showed any interest; a few even jeered.   This would be a mere House party, and to further undermine the event, the Supremes refused to play, I mean,  hear the lawsuit.  Some Republicans, even made fun of the President’s party, like Ben Sasse of Nebraska, who, after SCOTUS rejected the suit said it, “closed the book on the nonsense.”

The President continued to tweet the story of how the Election was stolen from him. Some of the Pooplicans decided to go back to the House chamber, where, it was rumored, another party was planned to save the suffering unemployed of America. Lost in the frenzy of the Pooplican Party was the fate of 13 million Americans who were on the verge of unemployment or eviction.

When the heroic, bi-partisan CoVid Relief party-planners began to meet in November, Congress was distracted by the trashing of the 2020 election.  Yet there had been a couple dozen Republicans and Democrats who said, “Don’t mind them, we have some hungry, unemployed people to save” and put their heads together to come up with a compromise Relief bill.  They worked quietly, but the newspapers occasionally reported their progress.

The President did not like this, especially after his Party pooped in the Supreme Court.  The headlines turned back to the Amazing BiPartisans, who actually got the attention of the Senate Chairman, Mitch McConnell. It seemed that their private party was about to propose a consensus party plan.

When you hear the word “consensus” your heart should leap, but a true Party-Pooper will set his course for 180 degrees. Although the President had made his turn, we didn’t realize it until the bill passed and landed on his desk. On his figurative desk, because he was taking note of the new CoVid Relief bill from his golf course in Mira-lago.

Then President Trump tweeted or (pooped) out his protest by demanding $2,000 in relief checks and major cuts in other parts of the bill. He wouldn’t sign the bill until it twisted 180 to his own little party on the golf course. Meanwhile the lights were about to go out on the Bi-Partisan Miracle Relief Bill and literally go out on the federal government in general.

This was a master stroke in party-pooping, because the whole time the Republicans and Democrats were  having their astonishing convergence, and millions of Americans were getting ready to dance in the streets, the President had already planned the poop d’grace. New Years Day was about to arrive with a failed Covid Relief, Vaccinations without Presidential cheer, and a new President unrecognized by the old one.  You couldn’t ask for a more masterful coup (or poop).

As we know by now, the President caved and signed the bill several days late, but he had made his point (or poop).  He had showed us who was in charge of parties and who knew how to poop them. He had institutionalized what I now call “Poopology.”

To be fair, Poopology sometimes takes the form of conscientious protest, like the time President Bartlett (on West Wing) refused to bomb a building full of innocent people to kill a terrorist who had bombed two Congressmen and General Fitzwallace  (a West Wing icon) to death, and seriously wounding the lovely, aspiring office assistant Donna Moss. Instead he called an Israeli – Palestinian Peace Summit.  Here we saw how higher values can poop the American thirst for vengeance.

Sorry I had to drift into the idealistic world of West Wing for an example, but conscientious poopers are hard to find in politics.  I wanted to make the point that Poopology could be used for good.

I predict the President will invoke the doctrine of Poopology  before, or concurrently with, the Inauguration, because that is a party that just demands a party-pooper.  He will want us to remember his legacy, his consummate ability to turn a party into a controversy. So if you expect to make the next Party-Pooping sighting, keep alert till January 25.  There’s a pasture that needs fertilizer out there,  if you’ll pardon the expression.