‘Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls.⁴⁶ When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it. Matt 13:45-46

I believe in moments of grace, when we are given more than we can imagine deserving. We may have discovered such a pearl, like the merchant in Jesus’ parable.

It was almost by accident, but its value was obvious, and I reached for it resolutely.  And pretty soon I knew it was more than a pearl, but my key to the kingdom.  That’s how it was when I met Victoria almost five years ago.

I was a widower, but committed to another chance at marriage, because the single life was not for me. I had tried out  OurTime and Match.com for three months, meeting some congenial women, many multiple dates, one that had touched me emotionally. I was an ardent reader of the roster of Match candidates in my 25-mile radius and had even started a Match correspondence with a woman in Texas.

At a professional conference in St. Louis I sat in the bar of the downtown Marriott and scanned the local listings for Match. But why? I was only in town for two more days and St. Louis was 500 miles from home. I think I was reading the Match listings as I would the daily newspaper. Who’s new? What hope?

Then I sent out three invitations for Saturday night, as I would have if I were home. Why? In retrospect it made no sense to start dating one night before leaving town. Still I received two responses the next day, one regretting she already had plans and one saying, ok let’s have dinner.

I made reservations at Copia, a restaurant in walking distance, and then spent that Saturday in Conference sessions. I returned to my room and had time enough to get ready for dinner at 6 pm.  I remember my date, known to me as “Vi,” said she would wait in the bar, wearing a distinctive hat.

When I got off the elevator I saw her, standing in the bar crowd, wearing that stylish hat. Recalling that moment I can’t help but associate her with Iris Gaines played by Glenn Close in The Natural, bathed in some heavenly radiance the first time Roy Hobbs (Robert Redford) sees her. It wasn’t quite the drama of the movie, but it was more than the usual first Match date where two people wave at each other and you realize this is your date for the evening.

It was a cold, windy November evening when we hurried down the street to the restaurant, getting the premium two-person window seat. I remember Vi could not keep that hat on in the wind, but it had served its function–to identify her.

I remember we occupied that table for three and a half hours.  I remember the food was great, but “Vi” was better. She talked twice as much as I did, but she was easy to interrupt, quick to listen. And we got quickly into serious issues like our family and religious backgrounds. And I remember that less than ten minutes into our conversation, she said, “It’s nice to be wanted,” and her voice broke.  I was hooked.

I remember half way into our conversation, we were talking about who Jesus was in reference to the first chapter of John’s Gospel. That does not sound like first date conversation, but it tells you everything about what was important to us. I remember saying Christianity was not about the answers, but the questions, and she remembers registering that in the positive column of her first-date assessment.  We both talked freely about our deceased spouses, and that proved to be a hallmark of our future relationship. We wanted to remember and honor them.

I remember her shapely legs as I watched her go to the rest room at the end of dinner. As we left the restaurant, I remember Vi saying we should pray about how we might pursue this relationship. She was signaling she wanted to continue the relationship long distance, but I had heard this line in the past as a stop sign for the gentile Christian dating relationship.  I was a little panicky when I assured her I would be in Lawrence, Kansas visiting my sister for the Christmas holidays. Vi reassured me that she considered that a convenient opportunity to meet again.

Back at her car, she offered to drive me around to the entrance to my hotel.  At some point I said, “I’m not sure I know your name,” although she remembers telling it to me in the beginning. It was “Victoria.”

I remembered the awkwardness of ending about fifteen first dates on Match. I had learned one thing for sure. Not to miss making a good first impression.  “I’d like to kiss you,” I said before exiting the car. The most glorious smile burst on Victoria. So I did.

That was it. I knew some “amazing grace” had happened. I had found a “pearl of great value.” It was a climactic moment for Match.com, but, most of all,  for Victoria and me.

Sleepless in St. Louis

You are incredible:

A few moments

Doubting the mechanism match.com

Then believing in me

The untested product

spilling out into your life.

You sat  down skeptical,

But suddenly vulnerable.

I wanted to leap across the table

Hold you, thank you

For trusting a reckless stranger

Who reached for the dating slot machine

Coming up quadruple apples.

Is there a script for first dates?

Where the couple circle around

Confident and qualified

Securing the high ground?

We trashed that script

With shameless grief and joy

Held in one hand.

Where did you get the courage?

A careful principled woman

Venturing out on a chill November night

Gambling or believing,

Taking the risk

On the out-of-town stranger.

You are incredible.