If you read the wish lists in their context you can tell that “sense of humor” has a wide range of possibilities. Some are very definite that the man should “make me laugh, ” but that raises the question of what do you find funny? For example I never saw a pun I didn’t like, but I also know it is the rare woman that enjoys a pun. And I appreciate that woman.
Whom does the mature single woman find funny, Jimmy Fallon, Bill Maher or Howie Mandel? These men range from goofy to caustic in their humor, and it’s not likely a woman will appreciate them all. Bill Maher is offensive, Howie Mandel is humiliating, and Jimmy Fallon is juvenile. Yet they are all paid well to be funny. Which one should I aspire to be?
And what if “sense of humor” is code for something else? Like “won’t assault me” or “not subject to explosive rants”? Admittedly this online dating scene is a minefield for women, especially women with dazzling profile pictures. They make a date at their own peril. What can you really learn about a man from an online profile anyway? Thus they code messages to ward off the Neanderthals.
However, women need to understand that generally men don’t get the code. You can’t make a coded comment like “sense of humor” and expect most men to understand that you are asking for restraint and gentility. Men are more literal than that. Some are at home busily memorizing some good jokes to try out on you, assuming you want to be entertained. Some are cultivating a darkly humorous outlook on current events, thinking you want some comic relief from the news of the day. Some are by-passing your profile to find another one using words like “serious” and “responsible,” thinking these are comedy’s opposites.
Online dating obviously has not solved miscommunication between the sexes. If anything, the potential for misunderstanding is greater than ever.
So before I meet any of these women who long for “a sense of humor” I wish they would unpack the freight. Do puns qualify as humor? Will you give credit for jokes that don’t make you laugh? Do you like blonde jokes? Do you like offensive comments that end with the punchline, “Just kidding”? Do you like guys who joke about their lack of hygiene, their ignorance of current events, their indulgence with online porn, their lack of control with alcohol, especially if they are based on the sober truth?
Yep, I was trying to be funny there. Did it work? Was I chauvinistic? Condescending? Hilarious? This online flirting is really hard. I’m hoping the face-to-face part gets easier, but I am collecting a few tasteful jokes, just in case.