First confession: I am a people-pleaser, which is why I am inclined toward social service, such as teaching  and counseling more than adversarial professions like legal and business. The gifts we have can also feed our weaknesses. It means that being the bad cop in education is a weakness. Students may get the better of me. I have a spent a career trying to resist that tendency.

Related to this is that I am wishy-washy: my position in a dispute might waffle a little in order to avoid conflict. I am too eager to see the other guy’s view. While this could be an asset, it lends confusion to conviction. My convictions might dissolve in the face of conflict. This is just cowardice not the spirit of compromise.

And I want to avoid responsibility or taking the blame for anything. This explains why I avoid leadership and slip into the background when conflict is brewing. More cowardice.

Self-differentiating is a good way to combat these tendencies, because it puts the onus on me to change, and it is not aggressive, but rather firm. It also keeps the blame for conflict at home, rather than taking aim at the adversary in the field. Still it is form of repentance, a “turning away” from beliefs or policies that go against my sense of how it should be.

What are my non-negotiable convictions,  the limits that make me –me? What keeps me from becoming a dupe or putty in someone else’s hands? What compels me to say “no”?

1. Claims that demonize others, reduces them to straw-men, two dimensional assertions that need to be  cut down.
2. Any statement that implies that “the ends justifies the means.”  Too much has been sacrificed for purposes that undermine principles, e.g. the golden rule.
3. Variations on the myth “If you can dream it, you can do it.” Teenagers are prey to this mentality intended to give them confidence, but too often fosters a lack of respect for a challenge or a lofty goal. Jesus said that no king goes to war without counting the cost or he summons failure.
4. Generalizations that demean others. ” He roots for Ohio State. What else do you have to know?”
5. Generalizations that demean faith: “That’s not rational to believe that.”
6. Perversion of doctrines like forgiveness or generosity.  Especially when you must act in a certain way because you are a Christian. “You have to forgive the boy who burned down your house or you’re not a Christian.” When skeptics make ultimatums, they are challenging the faith, as a much as manipulating you.